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I am no longer going to be updating...atleast for awhile.
Seeing as this is my personal journal I am going to inform you guys.
I have been going through a lot lately with my mom, school, and what not.
I have been moddy, disrespectful, and just not myself.
I guess you could say I have been pretty depressed too.
I am going to be getting some mental help from the state...or county which ever you want to say.
DHR is going to get me sometime soon, I'm going to be placed in a home, and on Thursday I'm being mentally evaluated.
I can't tell you what will happen after that because I don't know.
I really didn't want this to happen, but ever time I talk it seems all I can do is argue, and cry.
and I rarely cry.
but I can't seem to figure out why I would be acting this way..why am I acting this way?
arguring? and disrepecting? wtf?
I'm sorry for such a confusing journal, and it's unexpected, but I'm pretty confused as you can tell.
well I'm outty.
well you know that I love you guys.
Peace.
- Location:Bon Secour, AL
- Mood:
weird
So i spent a few days with Nikki here in Jackson.
Tomorrow we are staying at my place for a few days.
Hopefully we can go to a movie, and hang out with Skeejayy. :] Nikki wants to meet him so yeah.
I feel so weird... I'll write more when i get home...i can't seem to put it into words.
well i'm outty i gotta sleep early morning tomorrow.
- Location:Grove Hill, AL
- Mood:
drained
I fell for the person who stands up for their beliefs and morals.
The person who doesn't give a fuck what you think.
The person who could make me melt everytime my fingers entertwined with theirs.
The person who made me feel like I was REALLY loved.
The person who showed me that I really am worth it.
The person who seems like they've got everything together, but in reality their world is almost completly fallen apart.
I love so much about them.
I love their smell.
I love their warmth.
I love their touch.
I love their smile.
I love their voice.
I love their eyes.
I love their hair.
I love their pudge.
I love that they will do little things just to make me laugh.
I love them, but I don't know how to tell them. I don't know if they want to try again.
And they are completly OBLIVIOUS, to this.
O-B-L-I-V-I-O-U-S!
You don't try to find love.
You let love come to you, and hit you like a Mac truck going 70 Miles Per Hour.
I love their smell.
I love their warmth.
I love their touch.
I love their smile.
I love their voice.
I love their eyes.
I love their hair.
I love their pudge.
I love that they will do little things just to make me laugh.
I love them, but I don't know how to tell them. I don't know if they want to try again.
And they are completly OBLIVIOUS, to this.
O-B-L-I-V-I-O-U-S!
You don't try to find love.
You let love come to you, and hit you like a Mac truck going 70 Miles Per Hour.
- Location:Bon Secour, AL
- Mood: calm
- Music:The River- Good Charolette
i head out the door to go to a party earlier today and slip down my stairs and the stair landed right under my left rib...it hurts.
and it bruised badly.
me a new friend! SEEEETH Seth is 'le awesome :]
yup.
- Location:Bon Secour, AL
- Mood: pain
My mom's court date is on the 4th.
I'm going to have to testify.
wtf.
oh well I dunno what I'm going to testify about...grr.
Saturday I'm going shopping...for........a.........DRESS. yes you read that right a DRESS.
I got talked into going to the Winter Ball...wtf?
haha I'm going with two of the hottest chicks in 9th grade though :]] yush.
Keeeendall [pandabear] and Brittanie[fluffy] <3
so I have to buy a dress. a red one...hmmm.
I was looking online at Dillard's and so far my best choice is this one:
http://sc7img.dillards.com/zoomImage.jsp?z
yep verah pwetty and only $59. :'o
not much of an update...of what is really going on in my head. more tomorrow.
- Location:Bon Secour, AL
- Mood: drained
- Music:crushcrushcrush - Paramore
- Location:Bon Secour, AL
- Mood: content
yusssssh.
lol and Michael got me the [first] bullet for my valentine CD. heheh and he pretty much like hatttes BFMV. XD that goes to show how awesome he is.
uhmmm i got money :] and a few other things.
well im outty my head hurts, and my body aches.
ppeeeace.
hope your holidays were awesome.
- Location:Bon Secour, AL
- Mood: tired
I went from being focus on labels and what someone was wearing, and pretty much being prejudgemental.
To being open-minded, and not really caring what someone is wearing, and just focusing on the way someone treats me.
yush.
This morning while I was on the paper route with my step-sister's girlfriend we got on the topic of prejudice.
We also talked about CJ.
She was talking to me about why her and Melanie, aren't impressed by him.
Yeah they approve of him, but they don't approve of him being a "showoff".
He likes to overexaggerate for approval.He knows that he doesn't have to with me, because I could careless if he was a flipping mass murderer, it wouldn't make a difference on the way i see him.
My brothers, Tony and CJ [TWO DIFFERENT PEOPLE], my step siblings, Michael and Melanie, and Melanie's girlfriend, Mary Beth, are skeptical of him because he is violent, he tends to overexaggerate/lie, he could potentionally be a threat to my well being, and he has had a bad past.
Okay look.
I know that he has had a bad past, but what a person has on record doesn't really show what kind of person they are.
CJ has two sides: Himself, and Himself plus more.
Yeah he is violent. I like that. :] I'm okay with that. He wouldn't ever hurt me unless I ask for it.
He overexaggerates/lies. Who doesn't? He IS a male, and they do tend to say things to make themselves more interesting. He doesn't lie to hurt people, he lies to make himself look better/scarier.
He isn't a threat to my well being though, because he actually makes me better.
If anything he makes me stronger, by being an asshole at times. Well he isn't ever really an asshole, he just pushes me away so that i "don't see the real him." raaaaawr.
There is just so much more to be discovered with him.
and yeah I AM wasting my time on him.
HE IS worth it.
He is definatly worth my time. :]
This isn't the last you hear about him.
This is all I could manage to type at the moment.
D:
you love me though.
:]
- Location:Bon Secour, AL
- Mood:
productive - Music:Curses - Bullet For My Valentine
- Location:Bon Secour, AL
- Mood:
curious - Music:Ich will- Rammstein
| From: |  Cee JaYy #56 ™ |
|---|---|
| Date: | Dec 10, 2007 7:28 PM |
| Subject: | Fuck everything,I mean ugh why is life worth living...(Read) |
| Body: | WoW,Really shitty stuff is happening to me and i feel like letting go and doing something really stupid but i know a girl who will do it worse...(i tihnk you know who you are) But yea a chick didn't believe me i got her a dog and now i am stuck with it and she told me not to talk to her anymore and i was like ugh w/e i wasn't going to argue with her but now that i ain't talking to her it hurts the most i mean i really don't care what happens to me it's all about her...She means everything to me and i told her that but apparently it din't mean shit...Ugh maybe when i am gone everything will be better...Maybe i'll be like a friend and run away and get away for a while maybe thats what i need...A get away...Then i would be walking away on everything I promised this girl....And really when i promise you something it does mean everything to me soo don't tell me i don't care about them...I am going to fight for it even though you don't care I DO... |
| Comments | ||||||
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yuussh now it matches my suuper awesome misfits shirt.
heh
im tired of smelling cigarettes.
and smelling like them.
its discusting
- Location:Bon Secour, AL
- Mood: creative
- Music:Baby Girl, I'm A Blur-Say Anything
thursday i got suspended because everyone i hang out with was trying to start a riot.
so my fucking sisters and brother michael decide to take EVERYTHING THAT KEEPS ME SANE aways such as: the phone, computer, music, and art.
just because i had hissy fit and threw a clipboard outside...the teachers said that "i was endangering others."
its the fucking past.
oh fucking well.
Friday amy and her family moved to California...i dunno where, just there....and it sucks. D:
i miss her.
I JUST WANT TO FUCKING KNOCK SOMEONES TEETH OUT.
my fucking MSN isnt working and i really want to talk to a few people...THIS PISSES ME OFF DDD:
SDKLJGHSDJKGHJASD
NOTHING IS GOING RIGHT.
right now.
Michael and his ex girlfriend went to get an abortion on friday and they said she was too far along to get it. first it was 7 months then it was 18 weeks.
Michael didnt want to get it in the first place because it was against his morals and values and what not...but jessica wanted to get it because she wants to destry her body and party all the time...
well luck was on micheals side and now he is gonna be a DADDY and im pretty much going to be an aunt! i cant wait!
im so happy! heheh
we went and ate at ichiban and saw I Am Legend saturday...and the entire time we were talking about michael's kids future. :3
it was fun.
i got an early christmas pressie because melanie wanted to make me feel better EVEN THOUGH she was the reason why i was upset, well she made it better...I GOTTTSS A MISSSSFFIIIIIIIITTTSSSS SHIRT! :DD its amazing heheh
well im off to finish what i was doing earlier.
- Location:bon secour, al
- Mood: confused
- Music:Guardian angel -RJA
I dont know why.
heheh my favourite subject would have to be Kendall and CJ.
they are just so amazing.
and photogenic.
heheh well i hope the cut works.
okay lol well those are only a FEW of the ones i have....on myspace i have 172 pictures in my Friends and famliy album, and about 130 of them are from school. LOL.
Its fun and it helps keep my happy, just by looking at them :3
1) I have noticed when CJ gets excited he rubs his chest. XD lol well I don't remember taking this one, but it was funny.
2) Molesta La Breastas...teehee CJ was showing kendall and I his muscles :3 hehe his boobies are amazing :3
3) CJ's face XD. well another one i dont remember taking <<...>> but i liked it :3
4) MUFFIN :3 heheh Kendall enjoing her muffin :3
- Location:Bon Secour, AL
- Mood: creative
- Music:Clarissa- MSI
I wonder if i had to pick any //LIVING\\ ex i could go back out with, which one, would i date?
No thinking on the past.
Just if they asked you back out...would you?
seriously...
its a good question.
List of //LIVING\\ exes:
1.Charlie- I havent talked to him in a lonng ass time D: he might have changed
2.Timmy- left me for Charlie...and they are still dating.
3. Amy- i'm going with her again so yeah XD
4. Kitty - possibly she's a great person, and is a great friend :33
5. Mikey - he hasn't changed..and uhmm if he asked me back out i would say no.
6.CJ..now CJ...i dunno...it would be a maybe. we are such good friends...but i guess it would be fun to try hehe :3
7. Alicia...we only went out, for a few days, when we were at summer camp...and it was a secret...i dont even know where she is.
WOW i have only dated 10 people so far...wow.
four of them were childhood friends...and dating made us mess up our friendships.
but yeah :3
random...and a really good question.
hehehe
- Location:Bon Secour, AL
- Mood: creative
- Music:Winter- Bayside
( CJ and Amy Conv. )
Well he is my "frand" lol.
I really wonder what he was talking about...I'll ask him tomorrow at school.
- Location:Bon Secour, AL
- Mood: content
- Music:Silverstein-my heroine
Everything happens for a reason, I am living proof of that.
Abused constantly.
Starving.
Hardly any clothes.
Trash around the house, maggots on my floors.
Animal feces everywhere.
Feeling trapped, in a box all by my lonesome.
Those were just a few things that were in my life.
Now it's a smile on my face everyday.
Friends to look forward to seeing.
Waking up in a warm bed.
Having food in the fridge.
Having enough money to get my art supplies.
Having clothes to wear.
A loving family [I had it before, but now there is more]
Instead of me being a pessimistic mess.
Im happy, and alive, and bright.
I have changed so much over these two years, it isn't even funny.
Call me weak for expressing my feelings for people.
Call me weak for putting myself out there to be hurt.
Call me weak if you want, it is in our making to be hurt.
Call me weak, but in reality, you are the weak one.
If it wasn't for my mom getting knock up by that discusting sad excuse for a human being, I wouldn't have the things I have now.
11 years of torment, and hate.
11 years was well worth for this.
11 years of hell was well worth waiting for this.
for friends.
for love.
for warmth.
for a home.
for waking up looking around, and hoping this isn't a dream.
for finally being able to be me.
I just hopes this lasts.
Oh please don't let me jinx myself.
Everytime I say "I hope this lasts." I lose everything.
So knock on wood, I hope this lasts.
- Location:Bon Secour, AL
- Mood:
thoughtful - Music:Paramore- We Are Broken
( 12/03/07 con. )
- Location:Bon Secour, AL
- Mood: content
- Music:Hatebreed- Destroy Everything
fucking grr.
I GET PEOPLE YOU FUCKING CARE FOR ME AND THAT I MAKE THE BEST DECISIONS YOU HAVE FRIED THAT INTO MY FUCKING THICK ASS SKULL.
Mah grades...i get it.
mah attitude...i get it.
JUST STOP ALREADY.
GIVE ME SOMETIME TO ADJUST AND READY MYSELF. TO FIND MOTIVATION TO WORK EVERYTHING OUT.
sdkgsdlhgjahsgjkhdjfhkldfdfhdfhfghfjfggf
okay i am done.
:'D
- Location:Bon Secour, AL
- Music:Bullet For My Valentine- Tears Don't Fall
fuck it.... the cut wasnt working
okay so yeah me and CJ talked all day yesterday, and i helped him out with his girlie. :3
so yeah...
i feel like i have acomplished something.
- Location:Bon Secour, AL
- Mood: chipper
- Music:Evergreen Terrace- Mad world
I dont have much to write about, i mean...im just pretty mad at the way people around me are being treated.
most of it is BECAUSE they hang out with me, but some of it isnt my fault.
I mean the whole CJ and Kara thing that wasnt my fault, but i was pissed none the less because...it was just bullshit.
I really hate when people say "Oh you hang out with that dyke chick...she is soo weird." and they will stand up for me you know, but then they will tell me about it, and i will get all insecure...not wanting to be their friend anymore because it's my fault they have to hear shit everyday about it.
ALL THEY HAVE TO DO IS GET TO KNOW ME.
I dont talk shit about them.
I dont do any of that.
and people want to say shit about ME.
dlkhjgddfg
- Location:Bon Secour, AL
- Mood:
blah - Music:The Unthinking Majority- Serj Tankian
:3
i dunno why, but i just do.
- Location:Bon Secour, AL
- Mood: good
- Music:Nirvana unplugged NY
I am still! super pissed.
Last night CJ and Kara broke up...becasue of some major BULLSHIT.
it pissed me off soo much.
CJ finally starts to love someone, and starts showing emotion and what not, and for what? a girl to pull out his heart and stomp on it right infront of his face and then say "I'm Sorry?"
BULLSHIT.
i hate it when shit happens to my friends. seriously....he didnt deserve that.
I dont know what happend after i got off of the phone with him, when he called her to see what she really had to say.
but what i know of SERIOUSLY PISSED ME OFF.
ahsjfhkdg
grrrr
- Location:Bon Secour, AL
- Mood:
cranky - Music:I just wanna live - good charolette
well i dont ACTUALLY know, but I knew it was for some reason XD.
Plus i seriously don't get mad VERY EASILY. it takes ALOT to make me angry.
- Location:Bon Secour, AL
- Mood: cheerful
- Music:My sister singing to her dog
11/24/2007
Suddenly everyone is dumping on you, but you don't have to take it! Well, not all of it, anyway -- some stuff should take a higher priority than the fun stuff, for now.
my horoscope is too accurate.
D:
lawls
Suddenly everyone is dumping on you, but you don't have to take it! Well, not all of it, anyway -- some stuff should take a higher priority than the fun stuff, for now.
my horoscope is too accurate.
D:
lawls
- Location:Bon Secour, AL
- Mood: curious
- Music:Tool-The pot
so i walked my happy ass to her house and chilled.
Next thing I know Dezzi comes in and im sitting there like what....the....fuckkkk.
because number one, she's holding her "special bag" and number two she was clad in only a bra and some sleeping pants.
so i jump up thinking im not getting in this. Well amy comes out from where ever she was and fucking says "You aren't acting very alexx like recently whats wrong?"
so i say "Well number one...i thought i was attracted to a guy, but then i realized that i wasnt really, so we said we'd just be friends...then he goes all "PUSHYPUSHYSHOVEYSHOVEYGOAWAYIHATEYOUDYK
then dezzi starts touching me and i start freaking out. I didnt go there to be raped.
so amy pulls me off to the side and starts telling all kinds of bullshit, and how she was going to cheer me up with her sexualness.
okay PAUSE I NEED TO EXPLAIN SOMETHING:
Amy knows me a little too well. i mean she can read me like a fucking book. she can tell if im mad sad or depressed or even confused. I DONT GET IT HOW CAN SHE DO THAT? when even i cant.
okay back to the story.
so im all like "okay okay i will go along with this."
We ended up having a threesome. PFFT dezzi tried using a toy on me. I never use toys. NNNNEEEEVVVVEEERR. i dont like them i prefer handsk?
so yea. Great night :3 I'm not confused anymore.
and i really need a bucket of icecream right now.
haha
- Location:Bon Secour, AL
- Mood: content
- Location:Bon Secour, AL
- Mood: chipper
I mean they are achieveable.
I would have to seriously fucking NOT HAVE A LIFE AT ALL inorder to get them though.
no internet.
no phone.
no friends.
none of that.
Because I slack off.
Because I put everything last minute.
I am a fucking genius and do I show it?
I have a fucking 180 IQ and do I do my work in class?
I have a fucking chance to be a senior RIGHT NOW, graduate school, and head off to college.
Once i turned 10 I made it my priority to NOT BE NOTICED BY THE SCHOOL BOARD, for my intelligence.
I wanted to be noticed for what any normal kid would, not for being brillant.
The thing is, now since I have'nt made an attempt to fucking even try I'm behind.
Not in subjects like Science, English, or History, but MATH.
I love the other subjects, but math. maaaath. I HATE IT WITH A PASSION.
So what do I need to do?
ORGANIZE.
PAY ATTENTION.
Math isn't getting me into fucking art school...
but oh fucking well.
Man I wish I was 3 again.
12 x 144
that was simple then.
but now it is 12a(-3b) bullshit. D:
- Location:Bon Secour, AL
- Mood: crushed
- Music:I'm A Fake- The Used
D:
I mean I know people like me.
BUT DO THEY?
DO THEY REALLY ENJOY HAVING ME SCREAM IN THEIR EARS?
My obsceness.
grr.
Here I go self loathing much?
oh well. I will be over it tommorrow.
- Location:Bon Secour, AL
- Mood: blah
- Music:Nein- Otep
- Location:Bon Secour, AL
- Mood: amused
- Music:CJ singing
But I am 'le tired.
hahah.
So i saw my mom today, and she was tlaking to me about all kinds of crap, that I didn't want to hear.
HAHAHA she got a jail tattoo. <<.....>> it's just jamie's nickname she made up for him it says DAH pretty gh3y.
i missed all of mah fwiends today D:
and bubba's b-day is tommorrow he will be 19! DD: NINETEEN a year alreaaddyy
im gonna die.
well buh bye <<....>>
- Location:Bon Secour, AL
- Mood: content
- Music:Sublime- Santeria
He says that he still loves me more than a friend.
He doesn't want to hurt me.
or be hurt by me.
Honestly is there anything more that could hurt me?
I can't say that I have been to boot camp, or where ever he has been.
I can't say when I turn 21 I'm not going to have a life.
I don't care what he has done in the past, I love him for what I have seen of him.
It doesn't make me think any more of him, or any less of him.
I have had my bad past.
I don't tread on it.
I don't think about the future.
I think about the now.
This minute.
The way I act now.
Not then, NOW.
When I talked to him on the phone thursday, he was a mess.
I loved it :D
I loved to hear the anger in his voice, the pain. i loved it. it was the REAL CJ not the CJ everyone sees.
I am one sick and twisted fuck for enjoing someone elses pain.
But it wasn't the mask.
I SAW THE REAL CJ.
Not all of him, but some of him.
I am blessed to even see part of him.
He is just so amazing, and I just don't want to lose him.
I want to thank him for taking time out of his hectic, and doomed life.
I want to thank him for making me feel loved.
I want to thank him for being so nice to me.
I want to thank him for EVERYTHING.
CJ the emotionless alien robot from nowhere, outerspace.
- Location:Bon Secour, AL
- Mood: curious
- Music:Dance Floor Anthem- Good Charolette
yeah i have wanted some for the past i dunno 5 years XD
<<.....>> but i dunno how to order them...or what to get.
help?
DD: i actually have a chance to get a set, and i dunno what to get.
- Location:Bon Secour, AL
- Mood: creative
- Music:Bullet for my Valentine- Curses
I AM CURSED.
I CAN NEVER KEEP THEM.
We are still friends.
im glad i didnt get waaaaaay into it.
im not that sad, im not mad. im just numb.
numb.
i cant feel it yet. it will hit me tommorrow.
Everyday it is "So Alexx you and CJ still dating?"
"Why did CJ ask YOU out?"
"Why could somebody like CJ want somebody like YOU?"
constantly.
Haters much?
but hey I really don't give a FUCK what they think, or say.
I
I'm not totally sure about his feelings towards me. I know he likes me...or kinda does...but I dunno.
Everytime I look up at him I can't help but to giggle, or smile.
Everytime.
Every fucking time.
That cute ass smile.
Those fucking brown eyes.
Everytime I hug him I feel like I could just fucking stay there forever. It just feels...right.
I hate it when i fall, cause when I fall I fall hard, and this time I think I broke something.
- Location:Bon Secour, AL
- Mood:
anxious - Music:Angels and Airwaves- Heaven
oh.emmm.geee.
fucking.
oh my gawd.
So basically Skelepanda and i hung out today.
hahaa.
we went to wal-mart...that was pretty effing boring.
then we went home and played guitar hero three
well i didnt play much.
CJ was gonna show Marybeth the devil.
i ended up just laying down and listening to his heart beat. pacing and slowing.
freaking amazing.
then.
then.
then we took him home.
on the way there i couldn't help myself. hehee.
Just fucking ah-ma-zing to the fucking hardfuckingcore.
just god damn.
SDKLJGHJSKDGKJHSADGFlkasflkgf
bitches love me cause they know that I can rock
bitches love me cause they know that I can rhyme
bitches love me cause they know that I can fuck
bitches love me cause they know that I'm on time
throughout the projects
done - done - this is how it should be done
this is how it should be done
this style style style done
pow - muthafucka - pow
bitches love me
love me love me love me love me
bitches love me
bitches love me cause they know that I can rock
done - done - this is how it should be done
this is how it should be done
this style style style done
- Location:Bon Secour, AL
- Mood: dirty
- Music:Bitches- MSI
haha.
well i got another letter from my mom, pretty uplifting but not really.
I'm not acting like i normally would. i am actually okay with the fact my mom could be facing up to 10 years.
I really don't want to think about it. I don't need to think about it. it is only holding me back. so yea.
other news.
well there isnt any other news.
<<......>>
- Location:Bon Secour, AL
- Mood: content
and that is all i have to say.
pretty much.
Just wow.
This is effin the best freaking week ever.
- Location:Bon Secour, AL
- Mood: energetic
- Music:MSI- Faggot
awww o3o thats ah-ma-zing! ur amazing + yea i guess here it is ... want 2 go out w/ me 2-day or when u want.
Me: Lawls yeah sure when? XD
CJ: When ever you want 2-day, now, later, next week WHENEVER u want... it's up 2 u... XD.. or <] so yea call me 2day ...i'll write you 3rd but yea can u like le love muah... and hope we get to play soon.
Me: haha then I should like kidnapp you >3
le rawr
le love eheh<33
CJ:Umm yea thats FRIGGIN AMAZING soo yea it's up to you when we can play.
Me: Fine then. I am kidnapping you muahahaa lawls >3
CJ: Le lolz... yea oh k i'll be ready.
Oh mah gawd :3 i love writing notes in class. yesh.
I am the most pathetic lesbian ever.
I mean I like this guy. i shouldn't but I do. He serioulsy is an amazing guy.
He loves all hte same things i love.
He doesn't care what you think of him.
He speaks his mind.
He has that thing about him. yah know that i'msosexyandiknownowiflauntitinyourface thing XDD.
He is pretty hardcore, yo.
and his hugs are effin ah-ma-ZING <33
seriously hehe.
I feel so fluttery around him, i embarass myself heh...then i blush like im insane.
XDD
look at me falling off this cliff of intanglement.
These strings are the only ones connected to my heart, that no one can play with.
- Location:Bon Secour,AL
- Mood: curious
- Music:Chiodos-I said I was Powerful, I didn't say I was a wizard
i have a few new pictures but the camera is fuzzing so yeah.
the end.
<33
- Location:bon secour,al
- Mood:
bouncy
boys.
oh man boys.
hahahaaa
okay so i kinda sorta kinnnnddd offff
have a crush on Skelepanda.
and he likes me back.
heheeheeee.
haha here is what he wrote me today. frikkin hilarious <333 i heart him so mucho. yeshhhh.
Wutz ^?
yea ive been violated? no you weren't you'd
yea i dig the picture...i dig every picture you draw for me.
Yea i'll take what you told me 2 my grave.
my grave is going to say this
Forever Gone
Undying love
Can't live again
Kills me inside
Yours and only yours
One pale day
Unforgivable life
Yea i know im super HxC! peeling of my life 1 day at a time...im still trying to find me.
well in this im writing a poem/feeling paper its gonna be HxC much... oh yea hope you're perky 2day.
Do i put a smile on your face?
Everyday i like you more and more...it's purrty amazing wells g2g
♥
CJ teh skelepanda
i really like him. he is ah-ma-zing.
yea i lost the bet in like what a month. I AM WEAK.
Well i am living partially at my step sisters and partially at Jamie's so yea i have internets for a little bit every now and then.
- Location:bon secour, al
- Mood: creative
- Music:Guitar Hero three
well im just chilling.
school has been quite stressful.
but not really.
i really miss my mom. she doesnt have court until the 26th. and i dont even know if she will get out.
Fuck i miss her.
D:
- Location:Marlow, Al
- Mood: complacent
The kids push and shove.
Their words scar.
Their hands scar.
They work and work the blade until they hit bone.
Chewing.
Bleeding.
Pressure.
Giving in.
Things they say.
Things they do.
People.
Places.
Where it all goes down.
Down in flames.
Down in disaster.
Down with me.
Falling down.
Falling down the well of despair.
Feelings for people.
Feelings that won't leave.
Feelings that can change.
Change them if you will.
Someone will get hurt.
Someone will get hurt
Whether you like it or not.
Tell them.
Risk it.
Risk your reputation.
Risk your friends.
Risk your heart
Risk the pain.
Risk rejection.
Down in flames.
Down in disaster.
Down with me.
Falling.
Falling down.
Falling down the well of despair.
Will they accept you?
Will they accept your actions?
Will they?
Will they?
Ask yourself this.
Before.
Before you tell.
..
Falling.
- Location:Marlow, AL
- Mood: confused.
- Music:Sad radio songs
I love lesbian virgins. hahaaa
3 hours 8 orgasms.
:3 I HAVE SPIRIT FINGERS BITCH.
Super sexy.
- Location:Marlow, AL
- Mood: curious
- Music:ACDC- Hells Bells
Sept. 10th 91 - Aug. 20th 2006
Missed the anniversery.... oh well. Hope he isnt mad.
R.I.P Bruce Devon Shrews
Sept. 12th 90 - Sept. 10th 2007
A good friend lost.
I still remember a year ago
The times we spent
I think that I'm happier now
Up from the down
By all means
It's strange cause I feel the same way
I think of what it looks like
I think of what it tastes like
I think of what it looks like
I think of what it tastes, tastes
Same strange
Said it's strange cause I feel the same
Same strange
Said it's strange cause I feel the same
Still remember what it tastes like
What it felt like
Makes me ill
Really ill
I think of what it looks like
I think of what it tastes like
I think of what it looks like
I think of what it tastes, tastes
Same strange
Said it's strange cause I feel the same
Same strange
Said it's strange cause I feel the same
Still remember (Same strange)
what it tastes like (Said it's strange cause I feel the same)
(Same strange)
What it felt like, felt like (Said it's strange cause I feel the same)
Ill, makes me ill
Makes me ill
Makes me, makes me
Still remember what it tastes like
What it felt like, felt like
- Location:Marlow, AL
- Mood: content
- Music:Say Days Ago- The Used
She had an earthquake on her mind
I almost heard her cry out as I left her far behind
and knew the world was crashing down around her
I sink now to the ocean floor
Because I know that we are more
But I've made this mess, I built this fire
Are you still mine?
Cause baby, I'm not alright when you go
I'm not fine, please be all mine
I never want you to go because I am all yours
So please be all mine
She had an earthquake on her mind
Apparently the kind that would bury us alive
By putting all this weight on us forever
I lie here on the ocean floor,
broken castle by the shore
And I made this mess, I built this fire
Are you still mine?
Cause baby, I'm not alright when you go
I'm not fine, please be all mine
I never want you to go because I am all yours
So please be all mine
Let me save us
I've slaughtered us, I've murdered our love
I can taste it,
This blood in my mouth, this knife in my lungs
Have I murdered our love?
Have I murdered our love?
Cause baby, I'm not alright when you go
I'm not fine, yeah please be all mine
I never want you to go because I am all yours
So please be all mine
Cause baby, I'm not alright when you
Baby I'm not alright when you go
Please be all mine
I never want you to go because I am all yours
So please be all mine
Please be all mine, mine
- Location:Bon secour, Alabama
- Mood: crappy
- Music:The used- Earthquake
In other news:
Yesterday was fun. Saw friends from school, talked to them.
Don't have any new friends, yet, but I'm thinking people are digging my mohawk.
I was surprisingly quiet, i didnt say much.
My homeroom teacher has a pet rat, i forgot his name, and he's the class pet! <3
even though we only have literally 5 minutes in homeroom XDD.
well uh I will check in tomorrow morning.
much love.
- Location:Marlow, AL
- Mood: depressed
- Music:Fully Alive- Flyleaf (Ironic eh?)
I can't wait!
all the people i get to talk to, and all the people who i will hate. :o
Nom Nom
ART.
SQUEEG. I can't wait to start HIGHSCHOOL ART.
well uhhh I'll post an entry tomorrow morning about how it went and uh yea, i need to get my coffee ready.
buh bye
- Location:Marlow,AL
- Mood: bouncy
- Music:Nothing.
Term one
1. Art 1[HELL YES! First class!]
2. Alg. for Mastery
3. Biology AP
4. Leadership Skills
Term two
1. Alg. for Mastery
2. PE.
3. English AP
4. World History AP
* Advanced Placement
I am looking forward to school this year :33
Oh and i got glasses.....again. Since my others broke.
- Location:Marlow, AL
- Mood: creative
it was a close call.
D: -dies-
- Location:Marlow, AL
- Mood: In Pain.
- Music:japanese stuff lol
